I continued on, reflecting on my journey. I realised that Claire had saved me from panic and desperation, but my time spent with Isa was also a tremendous turning point regarding how I felt about myself. She had sowed the seeds that would help me discover how to feel really good about myself, and also accept myself just as I am, for which I will always be eternally grateful.
She also left me an amazing, lifelong gift, which I did not discover until one morning when I was looking for another pond, to once again repeat the ‘reflection exercise’. Unfortunately I was searching to no avail, when I jumped onto a log to stop for a rest.
Feeling a bit dejected I instinctively put my paw on my heart. In an instant I was transported back to Isa by the pond and those lovely, heartfelt memories. I also remembered the feelings, which I discovered, when looking deep into the pond at my reflection. I realised I no longer needed the pond. Isa’s gift became clear to me and I felt deep appreciation and gratitude to her.
As I continued along the next stage of my journey, I began to replay and dwell on thoughts from earlier parts of my journey. At the same time, I also became aware of the rolling hills in the distance. They hung large and forebodingly in the background. I found myself drawn to gazing at these hills, continually being distracted from my immediate beautiful surroundings.
A couple of days passed and I found almost no one to have a conversation with and certainly no one with any advice to impart. So when I happened one morning to see a rabbit, I decided to stop and talk.
“I’m Bec,” the rabbit offered. “Can I help you with anything?”
Maybe it was his manner, but for some reason, I felt comfortable asking him what would normally be a rather odd question.
“Well, I have been doing a lot of thinking – even thinking about thinking. Do you have any advice?” I ventured hopefully.
Bec appeared delighted, “You have come to the right place! I have studied this area. When you have thoughts about things, the thoughts lead to your emotions, but behind these individual thoughts there are patterns of thinking.”
I knew I must have looked confused, because Bec laughed.
“Perhaps I ought to demonstrate!”
The rabbit began to lead me through some problems in my thinking, asking me to give examples from my journey.
“Have you had a time when something happened and you thought that it was always going to be like that?” Bec asked.
I nodded, “There have been times on my journey when I’ve panicked…and thought I was never going to be free of those feelings.”
“Are you still panicking?” Bec enquired.
“No, I’m fine now.”
“We often think that things will always be a certain way or will never change. But the one constant is change.”
I nodded again, understanding his insightful inference.
“Did you also think,” Bec continued, “that because you were anxious, that you were weak?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “Well, at least until, I received some excellent advice and I then faced my fears, which is when I realised I could be strong.”
“You see! Just because you felt weak, does not mean that you are weak. You are not your feelings. Feelings always come and go!”
This truth made perfect sense to me.
“So why these anxious thoughts?” Bec postulated.
“Have you been exaggerating your worries?” Have you been expecting troubles ahead and even inflating and overestimating them before they actually happened? You know, the old saying, ‘Mountains out of molehills’?”
Bec gestured with his paw. My gaze followed his lead. I realised that I’d become so preoccupied with the hills in the distance that I had not even noticed the molehills in the fields.
A light ignited in my mind. I could now look at the thinking behind the thoughts, rather than just trying to change the individual thoughts. This felt liberating. For the rest of the day, Bec intrigued me with further talk of these patterns of thinking. It was late into the evening when the rabbit announced that he would accompany me the following day on my journey, much to my delight.
Although the morning began pleasantly, clouds gathered far in the distance and I wanted to moan about the possibility of rain but kept it to myself. By the afternoon the sky turned black. Within minutes, the heavens opened and we had to take cover in a burrow, although it was not the best of places.
I couldn’t contain myself any longer and started moaning “This is terrible. It was so lovely earlier. We can’t go on now in this downpour.”
“Do you always look at things in black or white?” asked Bec, though not without an amused glint in his intelligent eyes. “Is this not pleasant? Sheltering, resting, talking and just listening to the sound of the rain?”
“I certainly hadn’t thought about it like that.” I chuckled. “ You’re right!”
Soon the rain tapered into a drizzle and then stopped altogether. As we left the burrow, Bec looked up at the grey sky, twitching his ears thoughtfully.
“Shades of grey, you see. Things are not black or white. They are usually somewhere in between.”
I smiled at these sage words. Bec’s knowledge proved to be insightful and uplifting. He taught me to understand the errors in my thinking patterns – How I was ‘predicting a false future’, ‘magnifying my problems’, ‘overgeneralising’ that things will always be bad and ‘thinking in all or nothing’ terms.
I knew my time with Bec was coming to an end, so I hurriedly picked his incredibly, perceptive brain in order to glean as much information as I could. I particularly remember him stating,” Epic, remember your patterns of thinking create your thoughts, which create your emotions and then you take action based on how you feel!
When he finally bade me farewell, he complimented me on being such a curious and excellent student, which delighted me. However the thought of carrying on without him brought on a tinge of sadness and sense of loss but then I pondered, “What would Bec think?”
He would look at the pattern creating the thoughts. Was there a pattern of leaving or being left suggesting loss? And then I thought instead of thinking about the loss of not talking to him, why not think about about all the knowledge I had gained from meeting him, because I loved learning.
I felt much better instantly. Wow! I thought to myself. This way of thinking really works.
Chapter 11 The Treasure Chest – click