Claire could tell from my demeanour, my hesitant movements, her empathy and huge experience that I was scared, so instead of repeating her question, she shuffled closer and began to talk softly to me.
“The first time I went upstream I went into the undergrowth and became lost, moving too far away from the river. I kept going but the uncertainty and fear of being trapped in the brambles increased each day.”
She looked at me with her kind eyes and my gaze fixed intently on her. She continued. “The worry about what was going to happen to me preoccupied my thoughts until a huge wave of panic overwhelmed me.
After this first attack I was in a continual state of tension, always waiting for the next one. When by chance I finally reached open land again, I thought my problems would be over, but I was still gripped by tension and panic.”
I nodded understandingly, “How did you overcome the feelings?”
“Well,” Claire replied, “at first I was overwhelmed by fear and could find no solution to my problem. Then one day, I realised I had felt fine before going into the undergrowth, yet suddenly I was feeling scared of the open land. I realised I had brought the memory of the undergrowth and my sensations back to this new environment that was now my home.”
The hedgehog offered a comforting smile. “You see, the undergrowth existed only in my imagination. So I faced the feelings, let them go through me without tensing and I stood my ground. The sensations, although unpleasant did not and could not harm me. They soon passed and eventually disappeared altogether.
“It’s all a trick.”
“A trick?” I echoed, intrigued.
“Yes. You see, I realised that in the undergrowth my thoughts and sensations had tricked me. So, I decided to go back into the undergrowth to confirm this.” Claire shook her head, laughing. “I realised I had been bluffed. My imagination had tricked me! There was no real threat.
I could move forward. I could find food. I could live. It was hard work at times but I realised that if I did not put my attention on the sensations, they did not last and their hold over me subsided.
In fact, after a while, I really looked forward to my trips into the undergrowth.”
I bowed my head, wishing I could have come to the same realisation.
“Don’t look so sad,” Claire soothed. “I am here to help you on your way. Understanding is the first step. You must face your fear. Accept the feelings, relax as you go on, and in time you will be fine again.”
I replayed these incredibly important words in my mind and let the logic sink in to my heart.
‘You must face your fear. Accept the feelings however unpleasant, keep going on , and in time you will be fine again.‘
Immediately my spirits brightened and I felt a sense of determination. I could not believe how lucky I was to have found Claire, because my future could have been so different.