I set off across the meadow and continued down the river, supplied with a simple, although not always easy solution to my anxiety. At times I felt the unpleasant sensations again, so I just followed Claire’s wise advice……
You must face your fear. Accept the feelings, keep going on, and in time you will be fine again.
and ….’Just feel the fear and move forward anyway‘ became a mantra as I travelled on my journey to becoming calmer.
When I glanced up I could see the endless stretch of blue sky and a sense of liberation stirred deep within me.
I was reminded of a line from a poem, ‘Freedom lies in being bold.’ When I had first heard this line it had meant little, but now, in my present predicament, I really understood. The meaning of the words resonated in my heart.
I carried on with my journey, bolstered by my newly found hope and enthusiasm. But as the days passed, I found continually striving to be ‘bold’ extremely tiring. Even though the panic had now gone I still felt beset by worries and I began to lose my happier and more positive frame of mind.
One early afternoon when the sun was blazing high in a cloudless sky I stopped for a rest. Tired, I hopped half-heartedly onto a large, flat rock overlooking a pond. I barely had time to absorb my surroundings, when in a flash, a dragonfly landed on a lily next to me.
“What a great day to be alive!” The insect buzzed in excitement. “Isn’t it wonderful? Hello, I am Vinny. Who are you?” “I’m Epic,” I replied.
“How are you, Epic?” Vinny immediately asked. Disarmed by the dragonfly’s genuine interest and cheeriness I admitted, “I’m afraid I’m struggling with some problems,”
“Problems, my friend? No! Not problems, challenges!”
I mulled it over and replied, “Interesting…I had not thought of the problems as challenges.”
Vin continued, “The challenges in life are not there to break you, but to create you. Be positive! Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Life is absolutely amazing!”
I was stunned at Vinny’s incredible positivity. Perhaps this was the answer to my problems. If I could just stay positive, then life would be as wonderful, as Vinny was declaring. I felt a surge of new found hope. I was determined to change my thinking.
“I advise repeating positive statements!” Vin suggested, his wings shimmering in the sunlight as if complementing his excitement.
“You know, statements such as ‘I am confident’ and ‘I can achieve what I want.'”
“That definitely sounds better than what I have been telling myself,” I acknowledged.
So wanting to benefit from the dragonfly’s affirmations, I plunged myself wholeheartedly into this new found positive thinking. I was determined to succeed and immediately felt slightly better.
The next day brought more sunshine and brilliant, clear skies. Vinny met me at the same place and we talked for a while. The dragonfly suggested that I avoid all negative thoughts.
“What good can come of entertaining the negative?”
I wholeheartedly agreed with this sentiment, but when Vinny left, I found that striving not to have any negative thoughts became an extra burden. Monitoring myself continually felt uncomfortable and difficult.
As if mirroring my mood, the next morning was overcast and dull. The world was grey. The air was heavy. Vin was nowhere to be seen.
I didn’t want to give up and struggled on thinking that all I needed to do was try harder, but I felt that I was fighting a losing battle.
The next day brought merciful sunshine and pleasant warmth raising my spirits, despite a grey cloud of worry hanging over my head.
Suddenly a flash out the corner of my eye brought instant hope. Vinny was back! The dragonfly landed gracefully beside me, and enquired, “How are you doing Epic?” But before I could answer, as if sensing the possibility of a negative response, he continued, “It’s always to soon to quit! Our happiness depends on the habit of mind we cultivate. So practise happy thinking every day! Then Vinny was gone as quickly as he had arrived.
The next morning Vinny returned with, “You can create peace of mind and life can be full of joy. Believe you can, and you can!”. Then Vinny disappeared and it seemed he took the sun with him. I stared at the cloudy skies, wondering if I would ever be able to stay positive.
Sadly, it was becoming clear to me that this type of thinking was not working, but I did not want to give up on it. After all, maybe it was just my lack of belief that prevented success.
I became exhausted with the effort of affirming thoughts that I wasn’t sure I could convince myself to believe.
I desperately wanted this positive thinking to work but I was beginning to lose hope. Loath to give up, I finally resolved that there must be another way to find peace of mind.
I decided, to continue my journey.
But before I carry on with my story, “Milo, what did you think of Vinny’s teachings?”
“Well….he certainly was a fair weather fly.. or should I say dragonfly! For all of his talk about positive thinking I actually found Claire more genuinely positive than Vinny.
Being positive is obviously wonderful, but I think Vinny is missing the point. You don’t have to feel positive to be positive, especially when you’re not feeling good….Claire demonstrated that brilliantly.”.
“Wow, what an incredible insight, Milo. It took me ages before I understood that.
Milo, embarrassed by Epic’s praise, deflected attention, by defferentially replying,” Yes, but I had you Epic as my teacher, not Vinny!
Epic smiled in appreciation of Milo’s kind words and continued with his story.
Chapter 8 – Robin’s Climb – click