Milo arrived at midday and Soul so was already there. Milo, surprised to see Soul commented, “I didn’t expect to see you here before me.” To which Soul replied, “That’s extremely interesting that you would say that, because today we are going to look at ‘expectations’ and just how important they are are affecting in how you feel.
I’ll continue with my story. After meeting Oak, I really tried to take responsibility for my feelings, but I had this sense that there was an obstacle in the way. I really wanted some advice. One day when I caught sight of a striking looking bird, with a blue head and chestnut chest, who was climbing up the trunk of a tree and then down again. I had seen a tree creeper climbing up the trunk of a tree a few times but this was incredible.
I decided to approach and speak to this interesting bird, “Hello, my name is Soul. What’s your name and what sort of a bird are you? I thought birds wouldn’t or shouldn’t be able to to climb down a tree without falling. The bird instantly stopped climbing and answered me, ” I am a nuthatch. When I was young I had some problems with my feet and claws which made it very difficult climbing down trees so I fell quite often, much more than other birds. As a result I began to expect that I would fall. Even when my feet and claws healed, I retained my pessimism. I often declared that I expected that bad things would happen. In the end I acquired the nickname ‘Spect’ short for expect, but now everyone just calls me Spec.
Now to return to your first comments. Some would say it’s amazing that a bird can climb up and down trees without falling, but you postulated that birds shouldn’t be able to do that. Do you always look that things in this way. Tell me about yourself. Soul was only too eager to relate what had happened in his relationship with Blissy.
Spec listened intently and when Soul had finished he declared, “I know exactly what your problem is and I can help you.” This instantly lifted Soul’s spirits. “Some would say that you are extremely lucky to meet me today, as I usually spend my time by the Expectations wall. Many travel great distances to go to the wall to receive the advice and guidance they need to solve their problems. But today the wall has come to you and I will be able to help you you remove a great obstacle in your path.
So let’s look at relationship expectations. Expectations are.. what you think SHOULD happen in order for you to be happy. Expectations are fears. What we need to do is let go of our expectations of how things should be and trust that things will work out for the best.
The first step is to understand that our expectations do not help us. It is not up to our partner to fulfil our needs or make us happy. Remember we always have a choice to create how we feel. It is up to us to create our happiness not rely on someone else to do this. With expectations you are giving your power away.
Whenever you are are are thinking ‘should be’ and ‘ought to be’ you know that you are creating expectations, which will make you suffer.
I could say I expect that you will find it difficult to accept this but then I’m back in expectations which causes me stress. So instead , what I’ll say is, this is life-changing knowledge. I trust that, after some reflection, you will really understand this concept in your heart and then let go of your expectations of your relationship.
I’m delighted to have met you today Soul. Now it is time for me to go back to the Expectations wall. Goodbye Soul. Soul didn’t even have time to thank Spec. But as he reflected on this conversation, Soul realised that Spec did not expect any thanks. He was just passing on his wisdom to someone who could benefit from it and trusted that everything would work out for the best. That was gratitude enough for him. This was definitely a new way of looking at things.
Now Milo, I know you have come across the idea of expectations before, when Epic sent you to the the Expectations Hill, But it’s amazing how we can understand something in one area of our life and then not realise that it applies to another area. It is easy to forget we have expectations in relationships have, especially when we are so involved. That’s a good place to finish for the day. Tomorrow I will tell you something that can really dramatically help change your expectations.
When Milo reflected on the day in his burrow he thought this is not going to be like changing some of the shoulds he had changed in the past. This is going to be much more difficult. Even though he could understand the idea, he believed his expectations. He believed he should be with Daisy. He believed he needed to be with her to be happy. However he was really grateful that Soul as always left him with hope. He always looked forward eagerly to Soul’s next bit of wisdom.